It rained again. Just like the last time.
The smell of coffee knocked on my consciousness as Meggy grumpily set the cup infront of me. I smiled, showing how grateful I am for the treat she offered. We kept quiet for a few moments. She still had her eyebrows sharpened to lethal points waiting to pin me to death unless I speak up. She knew I wouldn't speak, but there she was, waiting.
"Okay," I said, tracing the cup's brim with my index finger. "I'm okay."
"I'd have my finger cut if you are." She retorted with the same sharpness in her eyes.
Of course, everything was not okay. It has never been since two years ago. And here I am trying to save my best friend her sympathy when in fact I need it the most.
But I didn't want to trouble anyone. I have enough trouble to deal with. Maybe this is why my dad calls me Little M. I'm like "that woman", teen version. They said I look like her, brunette and blue-eyed with a troublesome and fiesty attitude. We may have the same physique, but I am proud to say I'm more of my dad in terms of personality.
"I married your mom 'cause she has nice legs." My dad used to say, pinching my nose. "And my widdle princess has them too."
Unlike her though, I have staright locks. It was my kid brother, Johan, who inherited her curls with dad's hazel eyes. He played with "that woman" most of the times and she'd dress her up in fancy lacy sundresses. And like what most people say, he'd be turning gay before he'd reach fifteen.
Did he? I don't know. The last time I saw him was two years ago, in this same rainy night, when he decided to leave the house. That's where I knew, we were never gonna see each other again. He was eleven by then.
"That's not really a problem, Sidney. Just close your eyes and count to ten." He'd whisper. "And I'll be there. You're my sister, you know. I won't leave you."
Lightning struck. He isn't here. I closed my eyes, counted to ten. He didn't come.
"How long are you planning to stay like this?" Meggy suddenly grabbed my arm. "You can't just sit here and wait. Go find that woman of yours and get your life settled."
"It's not that easy." I told her a couple of times already. "I don't know where to start. She might be dead as we speak."
"Yeah, I'm sure your brother's dead too." She snickered.
I sighed. How can I think like this? Granting death to a loved one? I'm so sick.
"You know I'm here to help." Meggy stood up. "Ready when you are."
She left me with the cup in my hands and the coffee in my throat. I leaned closer to the window sputtering with raindrops from outside. I breathed out and my breath fogged up the glass. I drew in a swirly sun sliding down the rainbow.
I know, the sun sun will shine again. And there wouldn't be a rainbow with no rain.